Empty NEST SYNDROME

Sunday Splash by thegapshap

Parting ways with your children, when they leave for their jobs, higher education, or marriage, is the story of almost every home. For parents, whose lives revolve around organizing the lives of their young ones, this sudden separation creates an unexplainable void. For some couples, it might be a ray of hope to rekindle the lost spark in their marriage, while for others, this partition might seem like a loss of purpose in life.

Empty Nest Syndrome is the term used to describe this feeling. It is not a mental disorder, but a feeling of grief and dismal as and when the children move out of the home. “Initially, I was much more palpable. I would call her every now and then. At times she gets irritated and I have to wait for the night to check up on her again” says a 45-year-old mother whose elder daughter left for abroad for her graduation. Distance is bound to create puddles of void. Even the deepest of bonds are left groping for words when it comes to telephone or video call conversations. Such a void is felt much more when the younger child leaves the house because after him/her, parents have no one to take care of. The nesting of lives is such, that for the whole trajectory of human lives parents keep accumulating the twigs for their children, their lives revolve around them and when these young ones leave, the empty nest seems meaningless.

Post-pandemic, we’ve seen Empty nest syndrome 2.0 as children started moving out after a long hiatus at their homes. In a study, it was found that after offline working resumed, parents had more difficulty in letting their children go than vice versa.

This feeling is accompanied by many symptoms:

  • Disconnecting from people around
  • Lost ties in marriage
  • Depression
  • Anxiety
  • Palpitations
  • Loss of purpose

What is the typical duration of empty nest syndrome?

This may last from a few months to even a year or more. It may be a thing of worry if symptoms are worsening day by day.

Should you see a doctor for empty nest syndrome?

It is completely normal to consult a psychologist if you feel you are getting disoriented from life due to grief. Some couples also consult psychologists due to the negative transitions in their marriage after their child moves out.

What can you do to overcome it?

  • Keep in touch with your children: Understand that they have outgrown only physically and not emotionally. Keep some time of the day exclusive for your interaction. For eg. Video calling, playing online games, and sharing the tidbits of the day.
  • Develop a hobby: You might be feeling like tearing your hair out due to anxiety. The transition from the mom/dad phase to an independent woman/ man is difficult. Devote some time to journaling your feelings or joining a committee for social interactions with similar parents.
  • Rekindle marital hopes: This is the time to strengthen the bond with your partner and know that you two are there for each other. This includes but is not limited to evening walks, enjoying morning tea, gardening or even igniting a new idea of starting something new together!
  • Welcome a pet: Pets might look like a burden initially but they are the best healers for human beings. They keep you engaged emotionally and mentally (in a positive way). It’s like having a new child at home.

Final thoughts

Empty nest syndrome is generally disregarded by society as it is considered a healthy thing for children to move out. However, the grief is immense and shouldn’t be neglected. This phenomenon is more prevalent in women than in men. It is important to recognize when someone around you is suffering and offer your assistance.

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